Even though I really want to have meltdown and cry big buckets of "poor me" tears I can't. I have to many blessings that have been given to me. Too many prayers answered no matter how small. And even though the 2 things I want most desperately haven't come yet I know that I really don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to self-pity and the other excuse of "my life is sooo stressful because I am not getting what I want".
My tears end up being tears of why is such an imperfect person like me being so blessed? Surely I haven't done enough to feel so much love. After all we didn't have familt prayer last night or this morning. And I read a book instead of reading my scriptures. And I certainly haven't had any self control because my waistline has been thickening which has not been caused by eating things in the season thereof...surely chocolate in all forms is in every season.
I think that the hard part is even though I am being blessed. There is still a kind of lonelines or wanting. I am having a hard time wanting to perservere. I believe that is what is needed to be learned here. Is to learn patience, consistency, and perserverance.
Even though I haven't posted for quite sometime, know that I am alive and well without really any reason to complain. Because I am continuously being blessed.
5 comments:
OH Valine, that was so honest and so heartfelt, that I can immediately tell what a sweet and warm heart you have. I understand the struggle you are describing...
Sometimes I feel picked on and I have to think... is the Lord mad at me, because I sure feel like it and I have so many areas I could improve in, but then I look at my babies... and well you know.
But know this... I know that even our beautiful babies can't take away the sadness sometimes, and so if you need to cry, you go ahead.
I have missed you blogging and have thought about you. Take care. I wish we lived closer so we could have a 'mom's outing'.
:)
Oh how interesting that you posted today! Just yesterday, I thought of you and even came and looked on your blog to see if I had missed a post.
Are you feeling anxious that you guys haven't found a job yet? If so, I know how you feel! Mike is still looking as well. It's rough, for sure. I feel the same way you do; that life is too full of blessings to complain. I think that every day. As far as self-control goes, I feel you there too! I have been wanting to pray more and exercise more...how funny that you wrote this just when I was thinking the same thoughts. We must be kindred spirits :) Or, this is just what life is like sometimes. ;) Lets hang in there! God has our best interests in mind!
Thank you Christina and Kayleen. I felt the need to talk and knew that some many of you would understand.
I was moved. It is comforting to know there are others just like me who have challenges and weaknesses and who just need a good cry now and then. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Hang in there, Valine. It's good to know you're still around, and it's good to clean out those tear ducts sometimes too. The waiting is always the hardest part. I wouldn't give up the chocolate right now (or ever) if I were you. (I just found a See's Candy here - today, after living here for almost 5 years! See - even so far away from home, life has its ups!) Enjoy your family time, that's where the real treasure is.
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